I never thought I would align myself with the word “butch” but over the last few years I’ve leaned into it more. I often call myself a “boy dyke” – I see that phrase as encompassing my relationship with boyishness and transmasculinity as well as my life as a dyke. As a kid, I knew I wasn’t the kind of butch white woman I’d see scantly depicted in media. Over time though, I learned about the history of the phrase butch which has its roots in Black lesbian and working-class history. I found it to be more radical of a term than I had first thought.
As a relationship anarchist, all the people I choose to be close to (that includes my relationships with friends and family) are most important to me. Relationship anarchy is creating the structure of your relationships based on the needs of each person involved, not on the constructs set by society. This means each relationship will be unique and each will be as valid and important as the others. I don't subscribe to the notion of the relationship escalator, and cherish friends and lovers and friends that are lovers and lovers that are friends....
Although I originally believed that this was a one-off, I began to notice that getting hit on by gorgeous feminine women was not actually a rare experience here – everywhere I went in this city, these women were coming onto me and making the first moves! This had never happened before in my life, I'd never been thought of as "physically attractive". In the past when people had crushes on me it was because I was funny, adventurous and interesting. Never purely just because I was "hot"....
I think about my past romantic relationships in which some of the women I dated overlooked my masculinity or never really revered it. It took time for me to settle into to myself, comments like “really…your not a man, stop trying.” It was those significant memories, that taught me that if someone can’t acknowledge the whole me then we are just not a good fit. I recognized my worth and to be grateful for what I have now, respect for myself and a dope ass wife....
Our mission is to celebrate butch identity, increase butch visibility and amplify butch voices through the art of storytelling, with a print magazine, online presence and in-person events that build community in empowering and accessible ways.
We’re using both print & online content to build a legacy of butch history and create an intimate record of the lives and experiences of butches of different ages, racial backgrounds, and socioeconomic status.
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